i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
