The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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