he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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