I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
