you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
