capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
