The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
