when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
