dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
