i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
