The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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