he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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