I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
