I hate your face
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
