Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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