Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
