Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
