hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
