She went from zero to smokin in five shots
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I love you. Go after that dick
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
