What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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