There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
