I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
