i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
one might say we're banned from that church
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
