with your own penis?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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