2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
