CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
