Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
