I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
