Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
