Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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