whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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