im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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