you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
