is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
