I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
