Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
