you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
