told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
