she peed on how many people?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
