WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
