She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
