I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
