Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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