i permit you to call me
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Randomize
