She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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