I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
