I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
