but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
