well you can't waste a boner
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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