I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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