since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
