You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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