Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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