Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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